Finally!

I finally did it.  I went for a run.  It's been 3.5 weeks since my last run.  (Man, this is turning into some kind of confessional with a priest or something.)

I've been in a tail spin of sorts these last few weeks.  It's probably the new job/schedule/chaos catching up with me, but I just feel like I have no time to do anything.  I wake up, go to work, come home, put the kids to bed.  That's it.  It's boring and it's not all that satisfying.  I'm not eating smart.  I'm not exercising much.  I don't feel very good about me.  But, such is life.


Anyway, in the midst of all of this activity (where I'm not actually doing much that's actually worth mentioning) I'm trying to figure out how to live.  I need to make time for the kids, for my husband, and for me.  And like all good martyrs out there, the "me" part comes last.

I'm running a half marathon in June.  I got picked in the lottery, it's all paid for, there's no turning back.  So it's about time that I start figuring out where the "me" part fits into things.  It's not just about finding time to run, but that's going to have to be a big part of it.  Because I don't want to feel like a failure again.  I want to feel like I did something.

I'm rambling...and I'm all over the place.  Kind of like life at the moment.

Anyway, I went for a run today.  The sun was out.  There was a slight breeze.  It was beautiful.

I felt horrible.

I can't let this feeling dictate my future.  Because I'm going to continue to feel horrible until I put a little hard work into it.  And it might mean that I'll have to go to bed early so I can wake up and run early.  So I'll have to give up my after the kids go to bed time.  But...

I'm really, really hoping that in the end I'll be glad that I did it.

Something's got to give.