"Snowy" Bliss

It's snowing!

Admittedly, just this morning I was telling Oliver's kindergarten class that I was really happy that we don't have any snow on the ground.  Fast forward to this afternoon when I saw the flurries outside and I decided that I'd go for a walk in the newly white winter wonderland.  (Well, at least the sidewalks were white, all the grassy areas are still brown.)

The one where the body forgot

So I finally did it.

I went for a run tonight.

The kids were at VBS for a couple of hours so I roped Gary into running with me.  I have been feeling a lot of trepidation about going for a run.  I wasn't sure why I was feeling that way, but I have been incredibly nervous about running.  I thought it was just because I was afraid it would hurt.

I should have been afraid that it would be a colossal fail, because that's what it felt like.

I couldn't breathe, I felt like my legs wouldn't move, and I really felt like my body just completely forgot how to run.

Well, I suppose it DID remember.  But it just happened to remember the run I did at Grandma's and it tried to mimic that.

So the good news is that I finally went out and ran.

The bad news is that getting back into running is going to be harder than I thought it would be.  A lot harder.

Why couldn't I just have been born with a few more of those "natural runner" genes?

Recovery

It's been two weeks since we finished Grandma's Marathon. 

I haven't run since then, but it's not because I've given up on running.  I was sore and limping for a week after the marathon, so I didn't want to do too much to add more injury to what I already had.  I went to physical therapy this past Wednesday and he suggested that I go visit the sports medicine MD.  So I'll go there on Tuesday and see if he can figure out what went wrong with my training.  I'm still pretty sure there's some sort of muscular injury, but I'm not an expert. 

So what's up on our running schedule?  I wish I could run the Lakes 8K (the course is literally down the street from our house) on the 4th of July, but I think that's asking for a miracle.  Who knows though, maybe I should give it a try...  I guess I haven't ruled it out, but I'd need to find someone to watch the kids and sometimes that seems harder to accomplish than doing the actual run!  We're lined up to run the Milk Run, a 5K at the MN State Fair at the end of August.  And we're also signed up to do the TC 10 Mile in October on the same day as the Twin Cities Marathon.  It's the "Shortcut to the Capital" since it starts and ends at the same spot as the Twin Cities Marathon, but obviously, there are 16.2 miles cut out of the race. 

As time goes on, I'm feeling more ok with how things worked out at the marathon.  I really don't think I could have given more than I did on that day.  So even though I'm disappointed with how I got to the outcome, I still finished, and I am (mostly) proud of that.  I feel like there is another marathon in my future because I need to find some way to redeem myself, but I have no plans for when that will happen.  We'll see.

Why yes, I AM limping!

If you've seen me walking around since finishing the marathon, you'll notice that I've got a bit of a limp/hobble going on.  My hip/thigh is not quite right.  As the week has gone by, the bruise on my leg has grown and become more colorful every day.  It seems not quite right, but I've never run a marathon before so who knows what to expect.  I'm hoping that the discomfort just gradually fades away over the next week or so.  We'll see, I guess.  What I do know is that the darker the bruise gets, the better I'm feeling about my horrible marathon time.  I mean, come on, I'm CLEARLY injured, right?

The Marathon, part two

Mile 20 was coming up and we were desperate to get some love.  Just after the water stop, Gary said, “I think I see the kids!”  We gulped down our powerade, threw our cups aside, and started running just to give the illusion that we were still doing fine and able to run.  (This was SO not true.)  Katherine and Oliver came running up to us with hugs and the extra packs of powerade gummies that I had asked them to bring.  My mom and Liz were standing there with cameras, snapping photos.  My mom said something about being worried because they hadn’t gotten the text messages that said where we were and she had been praying that we were doing ok.  I don’t have a lot of words to describe how I felt at this little pit stop.  We both loved that the kids were there cheering for us.  I was incredibly grateful to my mom and sister for being there to support us.  It meant a lot to have all of them there.

Not too far down the road, we saw Dawn, Jamie, and Carter Paulson.  We actually heard Dawn yelling for us before we saw her.  “Go Team Mullen!”  As we got closer, Dawn got a little teary, which made me teary, and we hugged and talked for a few seconds before we moved on.  Dawn is my closest friend and we have shared many things together and I have never been so grateful for her friendship and support as I was at that moment.  Having her and her family there really meant a lot to me.

But there were still 6 miles to go and there was just over an hour left before we would hit the 5 hour mark.  I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t make my goal because we hadn’t been running 10 minute miles for quite some time, but Gary tried to tell me that it wasn’t impossible.  (I knew better.)  I wasn’t running as much as I was hobbling by this point and I was losing confidence quickly.  I knew we could finish, but it wasn’t going to be pretty and I really didn’t know that I could spend much time running.  I’d pick out a sign on the side of the road and tell Gary that I was running to that sign, then I’d choose a sign or a crack in the road and tell him when I’d stop walking.

Mile 21 was the mile dedicated to Katherine and I really just wanted to get through that mile for her.  I knew there would be a hill at mile 22 and I told Gary when I saw it up ahead that I was going to be walking up that hill.  So I had to just keep running (aka hobbling) as long as I could and once I got to that hill I could walk.  Mile 22 was for Oliver and while I really wanted to stop, I didn’t because I knew that Oliver would keep on running, no matter how tired he was.  

It was sometime around here that some guy came up to Gary, looked at his England shirt and said, “Are you from England?”  He proceeded to recite a poem written by an Englishman that started out with the lines “If I should die…” and I did not think that was very appropriate for the situation we were in because I very much felt like dying!  He must have stopped and had a few cups of beer that the drunk college students were handing out.  Very odd choice of poem, indeed!  

The girl in the purple shirt was still keeping pace with us.  Gary kept prodding me to start running when she was getting closer.  I was honestly surprised that she hadn’t passed us, but maybe that’s why I chose her to be my pace setter.  I thought that I should be able to beat her, so I was glad that she was having as difficult a time as I was having.  

My hip, burning with every step, was really driving me crazy.  I so wanted to get done with the stupid marathon, but I just couldn’t go any faster.  We were trudging along London Road and I made the Portland Malt Shoppe my next goal.  Thankfully, mile 24 was right at the same spot, so I ran to my goal spot, got some powerade, and took a walking break.  

We were at Lake St/Canal Park Drive at mile 24.5 when Gary called out, “I think I see the kids again!”  Amazingly enough, we were actually running at that point so we didn’t need to do any theatrics to make it appear like we weren’t walking.  I went over and gave each of the kids a big hug and told them that I loved them.  My mom got a hug.  Liz got a hug.  I was feeling very emotional and grateful to them.  And I wanted so much to be done running.  We later found out that they weren’t actually waiting there for us, they were just walking to the finish line and we happened to be there at the same time.  (The Big Guy upstairs knows how to maneuver people around to they’re in the exact right spot at the exact right time.)

We went down Superior Street to mile 25 and were turning left to run across the bridge at 5^th Ave W when I heard the voice calling out my name. “Come on Deby and Gary!  You’re almost there!”  There was Dawn again, cheering us on.  She ran into the street and said she was running with us.  (Have I mentioned that she is 34 weeks pregnant?)  She was faster than I was going at that point, so I put a little more energy into it and kept up with her.  It was a short run, but the memory of her running alongside us will remain with me forever.  

We headed along Harbor Drive and we realized that the tailwind that we had for all of the race so far was gone and we were instead hit with the wind right in our faces.  We ran alongside the DECC and then next to the William A Irvin ship.  I wanted to walk a few times, and I did, but started running after only short walking breaks.  I almost quit alongside the ship, but I heard the guy next to me saying to himself, “Just get to the stop sign, make it to the stop sign.”  So I told Gary that I was running to the stop sign just like that guy.  Purple shirt girl was way behind us.  I had found a new person to beat.  It was a woman in a pink shirt who appeared to be in her 60s who was barely shuffling along and I really did not want to finish after her.  Mentally, I thought that I could beat her, but honestly, it was hard to tell if I could actually carry out that physical task.

The last 1.2 miles seemed to take FOREVER.  We headed under the Canal Park Drive bridge and then up the road to the finish line.  We finally got to the yellow mile 26 balloon and Gary suggested that maybe we could go a little faster.  While finishing ahead of that pink shirt lady was incredibly important to me, I didn’t know if I had it in me.  I had a burst of “speed” that lasted for about 10 seconds before I realized that I really didn’t have much left to give.  And I wasn’t at the finish line yet.  But, purple shirt girl and pink shirt lady were still behind me, I couldn’t stop now.  I couldn’t give up my lead.

There was loud music playing.  The announcer said, “The Mullens, Deby and Gary from Blaine, Minnesota!”  I raised my arms and cheered for us as we passed over a set of timing mats and I could see the finish mats only a few steps ahead.  Gary reached for my hand and I tried to look happy as we crossed that finish line together.  We hugged, I waved to my family, I realized that I had finally made it to the finish.  A smiling man congratulated me and put my medal over my head.  

Five hours, ten minutes, and fifty-seven seconds.  

It was not the time that I had hoped for.  My hip injury had caused me much more pain than I had thought it would.  I have spent a lot of time telling myself that I am not a failure and that I couldn’t have given more than I did.  I know that I should be happy.  I finished a marathon.  It’s incredibly amazing that I accomplished that.  I know.  But I can’t help but feel a little disappointed.  

However, I am grateful to my friends and family who supported me along the way.  I am incredibly grateful for Gary who was there right next to me for the entire race and was exactly who I needed him to be when I needed him.  There are no words to describe how amazing he is.  

With time, I will figure out how to better appreciate my experience.  I spent four months physically training for Grandma’s Marathon.  I spent even more time mentally preparing myself for it.  I accomplished something that not many people attempt.  And like Katherine reminded me at the finish line, “The miracle isn’t that I finished.  The miracle is that I had the courage to start.”

The Marathon, part one

On marathon day, I woke up at 4:52am and heard the sound of a steady rain hitting the roof.  Not good.  I was just hoping that the rain wouldn’t be too heavy and that it wouldn’t last for the whole morning.  I moped around a little bit about the rain, and then decided to just get ready and try and not worry about it too much.  I had a few mini blueberry muffins and a glass of milk.  Got dressed in my “Finishing = Winning” shirt (I was hoping the words would actually sink in and mean something) and Gary and I headed off to where the bus would pick us up near Somers Hall.  

We were the last two people on the bus before it left for the starting line so we didn’t get to sit next to each other.  I had been warned that the bus ride would seem like it took forever, so I decided it would be best to start up a conversation with my seat mate.  Grandma’s was his 2^nd marathon.  He was also a bit injured and I decided that maybe more people are running injured than I realized.  That helped my morale a little bit.  We discussed how childbirth was much like a marathon, except that the intense pain of childbirth could go on indefinitely and with a marathon, one can pretty well guess how long it’s going to take.  He said that if I could birth children, that running a marathon would be easy.  (I doubted it since my unmedicated childbirth with Oliver only lasted 45 minutes…  NO WAY I’d be done with a marathon that quickly!)

Gary and I got off the bus at 6:18am and stood around waiting with everyone else for about an hour before we headed to the starting chute.  We took some photos, stretched, got nervous, people watched, port-a-pottied, and got our bags into the gear check garbage cans while we waited.  The white flag was flying which meant that there was a risk of hypothermia.  We saw a group of people who all had matching t-shirt on.  They were running with Monty who was running his 100^th marathon.  I can’t even imagine…

Gary helped me put on my bracelet.  The day before, I asked people on Facebook to volunteer to help me stay motivated during the marathon.  I took one of the pace bracelets from the expo and on the back of it, I wrote a person’s name for each mile.  I planned on taking one mile at a time and thinking about one person for each mile.  I had new friends, old friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors… It was great! 

As we waited in the starting chute, I started to notice the masses of men who were going off to the side of the road to pee.  I don’t know if it’s the nurse in me or what, but I find it incredibly gross when people do that sort of thing.  Emergency?  Fine.  But when there are literally hundreds of port-a-potties across the road, I find it a bit disgusting.  I had heard that it would be a common occurrence along the race course though, so I tried not to focus on that.

There was music playing on loudspeakers.  When “Chariots of Fire” began just before the race start, I had to laugh.  I think everyone equates that song with running, but I had found a video online that had the song playing in the background while it showed some women finishing an ironman race.  They were so tired at the end, they had fallen down and ended up crawling to the finish.  At that moment, I was really hoping that I would be able to cross the finish line standing up.  

The train went by us and sounded its horn and I guess that was the start of the race!  It took us 5 minutes to get up to the starting line and then… WE WERE OFF!

The first few miles went by wonderfully.  Our pace was good, less than 10 minute miles.  Our goal was to just stay ahead of the 5:00 pacer.  Gary had a bracelet on that told us the mile-by-mile breakdown of where we should be and we were easily ahead of schedule.  People were chatting and joking.  Gary started talking about running the London Marathon.  And I was thinking that maybe it would be fun.  We got to the first water stop at mile three and we grabbed a quick cup of powerade, just for good measure.  The Two Harbors HS Pep Band was playing “Louie, Louie” and it brought back memories of my own pep band days.  I was enjoying the course, a few little hills, but nothing unbearable.  Trees all around us.  The rain had stopped.  It was beautiful!  Cloudy and 50 degrees—perfect running weather.

I started looking around for people I knew at mile 5 near Knife River.  I think I saw someone from my work and I called out her name, but either it wasn’t her or she didn’t hear me.  We got some more powerade/water and continued on our run.  There was a nice little string quartet playing inside a shed on the side of the road.  It was funny to watch people head off into the woods on the side of the road to pee.  Girls running further up the side than the guys.  I decided to wait for a port-a-potty that wasn’t too crowded.  Besides, it couldn’t hurt to wait in line and stretch at the same time.  My hip was starting to ache a little bit.

Just before mile 6, we had our little pit stop and stretched.  It took about 5 minutes but we were still a few minutes ahead of the 5:00 pace team, so we were ok.  By the time we got to mile 7, we had a few more minutes of cushion time.  I was doing well looking at my bracelet and thinking of stories and memories of my motivation volunteers at the start of each mile. 

Things continued on just fine for a few miles.  My hip was starting to hurt more, but we kept going.  Gary kept pushing me to keep going.  We weren’t going incredibly speedy so we were able to talk quite a bit.  We grabbed water/powerade at miles 7 and 9, walking through the stops and then running again.  The pattern was working nicely for us.  

By the time we go to mile 11, the pain was starting to get more intense.  I told Gary that we should have a conversation about what would happen when I needed to drop out of the race.  He decided to just ignore that and pretend like I never said it.  He suggested that we stop at the first aid vehicle, but I dismissed that idea because I was worried they’d make me drop out.  What else could they do?  I didn’t want to lose too much time.

When we got to the midway point at mile 13, I was re-thinking my decision.  We got our drinks and then I ran over to the first aid tent and asked if they had any ibuprofen.  They opened up a big bottle and poured a few into my hand.  Being a good nurse, I asked the dosage and kept track of what time it was so I would know when it was safe to take more.  We were still ahead of the 5:00 pacer, phew.  My 13 mile motivation volunteer has suffered a lot of health problems, so I used her as motivation to just keep going.

Shortly after that, I saw a big sign with some generic names on it and I was thinking, “I wish I had a commonly spelled name so I could have my name on a sign.  We’re never going to see a sign with our names on it.”  Well, not more than a minute later, I saw a big red sign that said my name on it!  We ran over to the opposite side of the road and found Kris and Jon Mallett enthusiastically calling our names.  It was absolutely great to see people we knew.  Kris gave me a hug and denied one for Gary because he looked too sweaty.  (Ha ha!)  And then they sent us on our way so that we didn’t lose too much time.  It was a great energy boost that I definitely needed.

It didn’t last long, though.  By mile 16, I had stretched and waited while Gary took a bathroom break and then I headed over to the medical tent to see if they had some Tylenol for me.  It was way too early for more ibuprofen, but I needed something and I was hoping the Tylenol would help.  It was right about this time when some woman was badly singing hymns on the side of the road and her buddy was a little further along with a big bullhorn telling me why I should repent my sins and ask for forgiveness.  I’m sure they meant well, but at that moment, I remember distinctly thinking that I would like to just punch them.  I said to Gary, “Do you think that anyone really cares about what they’re saying at this moment?”

To make matters worse, during our pit stop the 5:00 pacer went ahead of us.  

I think that was the beginning of the end for me.  Until that moment, I felt like I could still hit my goal.  But after the pacer passed us, I felt somewhat defeated.  We could still see the red and white balloons bobbing up and down in front of us, but I knew that the pain in my hip wasn’t going away and catching up to that pacer seemed impossible.  Still, if we could keep her in our sights, maybe, just maybe, I could get my goal.

Back to the course, Gary reminded me that we were only a few miles away from hopefully seeing the kids and that cheered me up quite a bit.  Of course, seeing them is also quite emotional and I started thinking about how I didn’t want to fail myself by not being able to finish the race.  It’s hard to run when you’re crying, so I had to pull myself together really quickly.  

We continued on as best we could, but I had to stop and walk more often than I wanted to.  The hip pain was never ending and at times it was a shooting, burning feeling.  (Those were the times I decided it would be best to walk and not run.)  We got to mile 18 and I remember seeing a girl with a purple shirt that we kept playing tag with.  I decided that I wanted to beat her to the finish.  Every time we’d walk she would catch up to us, then we’d run and get ahead.  But we kept running into her.  I told Gary my plan and he did a great job of telling me when she was getting close and we’d start running.  

Beginning with mile 19, the water stops were set up at every mile.  Before the race, we had talked about stopping at every water stop and walking through them, and we definitely kept that philosophy.  I was also stopping at least one other time in the mile between water stops.   We were running on London Road now and there were a lot more spectators.  But I was getting to the point where I just needed to focus on the task at hand and not care too much about the random people on the side of the road, so I didn’t pay a lot of attention.

TWO Days!

We leave tomorrow morning for Duluth.

I repeat: We leave tomorrow morning for Duluth!

Isn't that just crazy?  Back in February, it seemed like June 18th would never get here.  And honestly, I was so thankful for that.  That first week of training when I had three easy 3 mile runs and one "long" run of 6 miles... that was cake.  Fast forward to week 15 when I had a 5 mile, a 10 mile, another 5 mile, and then a 20 mile.  After that week, I deserved cake.  (Ha ha!)

I'm slightly bummed out that I missed out on the last three weeks of running.  I've definitely missed it, but I'm not sure that going out and running 26.2 miles all at once is going to be good for me.  All I can hope is that it doesn't kill me.  That's been my hope all along.  Nobody dies during Grandma's Marathon.  (Especially me!)

So I'm packing my things.  Hoping I don't forget my pretty purple shoes or my powerbar gels.  Getting the kids' clothes ready, complete with Team Mullen shirts and cowbells.  Leaving my iPod and my Nike+ at home because the good for nothing thing and I are not in a loving relationship at the moment.

And we're headed off to the beauty of Duluth, MN.  The land of $6 milkshakes and Sir Ben's Tavern and fun statues in Canal Park.

I can't wait!

(I think...)

Down to the wire

Here we are, race week!  I haven't run for 10 days.  Sometimes it's still painful for me to just move from sitting to standing up.  Other times I don't feel anything until I walk.  But occasionally, I try a little jogging and it doesn't feel too bad.  I'm pretty sure that it's still going to be hurting on Saturday, but I'm going to try and not let that stop me.  I have PT again tomorrow.  We'll see what my buddy Bruce the PT tells me then.

There are good things about being injured.  It means that now I have absolutely no time goal in mind at all.  If I finish, I'll be happy.  Wait, I lied.  If I finish but don't get there in time to get my medal, I'll be unhappy.  So that gives me 7 hours to finish.  I'd like to think that it's an attainable goal.  (And if it's looking like it's not, then I might just find myself leaving the race course a bit early.)

The bad news is that I'm completely setting myself up to have to run another marathon.  (Ugh, this one KILLS me!)  Knowing that I missed out on 2 weeks of training at the end here will haunt me if I can't finish within the original time frame that I was planning on.  I'll always wonder what I could have done if I hadn't injured myself.  So I'll have to run another marathon (and pray that I don't get injured during training) to find out what could have been.  I just don't know if I'll force myself to run Grandma's again or whether I'll do a different race.  Honestly, I don't even like thinking about this aspect of things.  But I know myself enough to know that it's true.  I'll be forced to do the whole 18 weeks of training again when I'm completely healed up and do it all over again.

So yes, it's race week.  In 5 short days, I will be attempting to run a marathon.  It doesn't sound as crazy as it once did.  (But don't get me wrong, it's still crazy!)  You can follow my race day progress with this handy dandy runner tracker.  Hopefully I won't let you down.

PT update

In case you want to follow along in the "Deby's injured" saga, here's what happened today at physical therapy.

Bruce, PT wondered how my run went yesterday.  After I described feeling like something changed at the 1/2 mile point in my run, he decided to check my alignment again.  I guess I am now mis-aligned, so he fixed that.  Then he did some more ultrasound treatment on me.  Then he was subjected to seeing and touching my horrible looking feet while he taped me up like a gymnast to try and give me a little more arch support. 

Off to the treadmill...

I started running on the treadmill and that's when the slight discomfort I felt with every step while walking turned back into the sharp, shooting pain.  I didn't last long on there.  Bruce, PT seems to think that I have a heel strike when I put my foot down, so he encouraged me to focus on hitting with the ball of my foot and not my heel.  (I don't think that I heel strike, but I'll see what I can do to try and be conscious of where my foot is hitting the ground.)

He watched me do my prescribed exercises and said he'd see me on Tuesday.  I shouldn't run this weekend, but maybe do some biking just to get some cardio in.  So maybe tomorrow I'll bike next to Gary while he runs.  I'm sure he'll love that.

Good times.

I'm feeling less confident today about my ability to be ok to run the marathon.  Honestly, there's no way I can race 26.2 miles with this pain.  But I'm not giving up until someone actually tells me that I can't do it.  So... the saga continues.

This is what I was afraid of

When one decides to run a marathon, there are many fears to be had.  The first question is, can I run/jog/walk 26.2 miles without dying?  When the answer to that question leans more towards the "maybe" than the "no way" side, then you pay your registration money and start to ask other questions.

-How will I train?
-How will I mentally prepare to run that far?
-What if I poop my pants?
-Who will be my support people?
-18 weeks of training is really long.  What if I get injured during training?
-Can I really do this?

At a certain point, the questions change.  I think after my successful 20 mile run last week, I stopped worrying about training and starting thinking more about the actual race.

-What if the weather is horrible on race day?
-What am I wearing for the race?
-What if I poop my pants? (that one never goes away.)
-What if I oversleep my alarm and miss the bus to the starting line?

I was feeling like I was past the point of worrying about training.  I'm in my taper weeks.  Everything is GREAT!  I'm almost there!  The thing that I thought I could never do is actually going to happen!

I guess I shouldn't have skipped ahead to the race day questions just yet. 

My hip has been giving me some problems over the last two weeks or so.  Nothing major, but I felt it and it worried me a little bit.  I didn't notice any problems during our 20 mile run over the weekend so I figured that everything would be just fine.  But when I ran my 5 miles on Tuesday on the treadmill, I knew that something was wrong.  Maybe it was a mistake to go back to BodyFlow on Tuesday morning, who knows.

I put ice on my hip right after the run.  I stretched really well.  But I knew that I might be in trouble.  I called on Wednesday morning and got an appointment with my doctor, hoping that she'd get me a referral for some physical therapy and I could get it checked out quickly.  It was a miracle that I not only got in to my doctor on Wednesday morning, but an appointment at the Institute for Athletic Medicine opened up for Wednesday afternoon.  (I was told by someone that I'd "never" get an appointment so quickly.)

Bruce, PT did his little eval and concluded that my injury was a result of lots of training + weak core muscles (not a surprise!) and he did an ultrasound treatment on my hip.  The x-rays showed nothing out of the ordinary, so that was good.  I had been given a prescription for a prednisone taper by the doctor so I started that.  Bruce said that he'd hook me up with an appointment for Friday morning.  He told me to go out and run my 8 miles for the day and just see how it felt.   He said that he wasn't telling me not to run the marathon.  He said he was looking forward to coming into work on Monday, June 20th and looking up my name in the results of Grandma's Marathon and that it had better not say "DNF" after my name.

So, I was feeling hopeful after the visit.

I woke up this morning and my hip was feeling much better.  (Yay!)  I brought Oliver over to my Dad's house so they could have play/fishing time together while I ran, and I was off.  I decided to run around my Parents' small lake (8 miles = 12 times.)  I'd be shielded from the wind and it was a short distance around the lake in case I needed to stop.  But I really thought I'd be just fine.  The sun had come out and the day was turning out to be a perfect day for an 8 mile run.

FAIL.

About a half mile into my run, something felt different in my hip.  I stopped running and walked for a few minutes after I'd run about a mile, hoping that the break would help.  But when I started back running, the shooting, burning pain in my right hip was just too bad and I figured that I should stop before I did too much damage.  Less than 1.5 miles and I was done.

So, I'm not giving up yet.  But I will admit that I'm worried about the marathon.  I have a mere 16 days to get this thing healed up.  I've spent a lot physical time training and a lot more emotional time getting myself to where I am today.  But will I be able to run on race day?  Who knows.  I'm really hoping that it doesn't get to the point where I need to not run.

How will I feel if that becomes a reality?  I'll be incredibly disappointed.  Crushed.  Gutted.  But I'm not there yet, so I need to try and stay positive.  (For someone who is still kind of stuck on the "Can I run 26.2 miles without dying?" question, positivity about the marathon is sometimes difficult to come by.)  We'll see...

For now, I'll hobble around like an old lady and pray that I can heal up in time to set my marathon PR.

Twenty Miles... CHECK!

Today was the day.

Back in February, I put all of the long weekend runs on my calendar and I have been dreading May 28th ever since.  Why?  Well, a 20 mile run seems really, really long.  And seeing that on the calendar and knowing that it was going to be "the day" eventually, well, I think you can understand.  People don't just run 20 miles.  It's a long run.  But I bet you were already thinking that.

My parents graciously agreed to let our kids come and visit them today (thanks Mom and Dad!) so that Gary and I could run/jog/walk/limp the 20 miles together.  It took forever to get the kids up and moving out of the house this morning.  And truthfully, we weren't all that excited to get started, so we didn't push them too much.

After dropping off the kids at 10:30am, (I was hoping for a 9am drop-off,) we got in the car and tried to figure out where we were going to run.  We normally run the trails at Bunker Hills Regional Park, but after the disastrous 18 mile run there a couple of weeks ago, I wasn't excited about hanging out there for 20 miles.  We decided to head to Minneapolis Chain of Lakes and we ran around some of the lakes there.  I had a map that showed the distances around each lake and the distance between them, so we decided to park on the west side of Lake Calhoun and then do a bunch of little runs and come back to the car between each run for water/gels/powerade.

The first 3 miles around Lake Calhoun went well, as did the next 5 miles when we ran around Lake of the Isles.  We managed to meander around all the people who were out with their dogs and taking up the whole path while walking really slowly.  (So much more complicated than the empty trails at Bunker!)  The second run around Lake Calhoun was not feeling as good as the first time and we took our first walking break at 10.5 miles, but at least we found some guy who was handing out free bottles of Vitamin Water!

By the time we got back to the car, Gary wasn't feeling great and I wasn't feeling much better, but we were off to Lake Harriet.  There was a lot more walking and less talking.  But the really bad part was when we headed off to do our final 2.87 miles around Lake Calhoun.  Gary told me to stop talking to him (normally I'm the one telling him to "Shhhh!") and he had to really concentrate on just running.  I wasn't feeling terrific, but I'm positive that Gary was having a harder time than I was having.  I could feel the blisters on my feet blowing up like balloons, but I was more worried about Gary falling over and looking like this.  (For the record, it's called "Very funny marathon finish" but there's nothing funny about it.  It's incredibly admirable that these two women were willing to leave everything behind and completely empty their tanks in order to finish their race.)

Anyway, we FINALLY got to 20 miles and we stopped where we were and headed right to the car.  We stretched.  We drank.  We stood still and were thrilled that the run was over.  Wow, did I really just do that?  It's so strange because it really seemed so much easier than the 18 mile run.  I know that we didn't run the entire time, but I'm pretty happy with how we did and more importantly, how I felt when we were done.  I wasn't completely spent and while I wouldn't have been thrilled with running 6 more miles, I felt like I could have finished that if I needed to.  In all, we were moving for 3:32 which averages out to about 10:35/mile.  If we stay that same pace for the marathon, I'll be really happy with the outcome.

Now, the most interesting part of the day... I've done some reading about recovery after long runs and I decided to give an ice bath a try.  I was too wussy to actually add any ice, but I did fill up the bathtub with only cold water (we measured the temp and it was a chilly 54 degrees!) and I sat there for about 15 minutes.  Gary was really wussy and wouldn't get in the tub, so we'll see who's feeling better tomorrow!

And to celebrate that we were still alive after running 20 miles?  Well, we went to Texas Roadhouse!  Yee haw!

A Minor Miracle

It rained yesterday.  Like a cats and dogs type of rain.  And I chose to start running outside about a half hour before that rain started.

Stupid decision.  Obviously.  (Thanks for that stellar advice, Gary.)

Not only was I soaking wet, but my iPod was also soaking wet.  So wet that it turned off on its own while I was still running.  I didn't come in the house and finish my run on the treadmill because my shoes were so wet and I thought that if I waited until today, maybe they'd be dry enough that they wouldn't make me have prune feet after running in them.

So I went to run this morning and realized, my iPod didn't work.  At first I thought maybe just the sensor on my shoe got wet and that was why my run cut itself short yesterday.  But after checking things out more, I don't know if the sensor was wet because my iPod couldn't even find the Nike+ transmitter that is absolutely necessary to track my run.  ACK!

If you've paid any attention to my running history, you know that I don't run if I don't have my Nike+.  I just can't do it if I don't have some sort of physical record of my run.  I've amassed 2033 miles with my Nike+ so I can't stop using it now.

Well today I was faced with a dilemma.  I really, really needed to get a run in today while Oliver was at preschool.  I had 10 miles that I needed to make up from this weekend.  But I really didn't want to run without my Nike+.

Well I did it.  It was a minor miracle that I was able to do it without my trusty Nike+.  I checked my google maps about 7 times before heading out for my run so I would know exactly where I was running and how far it was going to be.  Surprisingly I wasn't too freaked out about not having my Nike+ with me to keep track of how far I'd gone or how fast I was going...  It helped that I was running a very well traveled course and I knew a ton of spots along my run to help me mentally keep track of my miles.

And it also really helped that I found a website where I could cheat a bit and input my time and distance and it would make it look like I had actually run with the assistance of my Nike+.  (Score!)

TC 10 Mile!

One of the main reasons that Gary and I ran the TC 1 Mile last week was because we knew that 1000 random finishers would be chosen to get automatic entry into the TC 10 Mile in October.  The TC 10 Mile is for those people who are too lazy to train for the full Twin Cities Marathon.   Well, that's not true.  But it's a nice distance for people who can't/don't want to run a full marathon.  The other reason we did the 1 Mile was so that I could prove to myself that I'd improved my time over last year.  Uhhhh, that didn't really pan out.  Anyway...

Gary and I first attempted to register for the TC 10 Mile in 2008, but we weren't chosen in the lottery.  Bummer!  The next year, we got in via the TC 1 Mile lottery.  Running that race was pivotal for me.  It was, of course, emotional.  It also forced me to push myself even more.  Running a 5K or a 10K was a big deal when I first did it, but running for 10 whole miles... well, that seemed impossible.  So when we did the 10 Mile in 2009, it was a big deal.

After all this Grandma's Marathon training, I knew that I had no desire to train for another marathon this year.  However, I told Gary that if we got chosen to run the 10 Mile that I would totally be up for it.  Well... we got in!  So after I recover from running my marathon and take a little time off to relax, I'm going to try and start working on speed a bit to see if I can't beat my 2009 10 Mile time by a few minutes.  We finished in 1:37 something, and really, if I finish in 1:36 or less, I'll be happy.

Just for fun, here's a photo of Team Mullen at the race expo in 2009.  Aren't our kids cute?

Every moment can't be fantastic

I ran today.  It was a beautiful (somewhat windy), sunny day and it felt great to be outside.

It was a huge contrast to the last two runs that I had.

On Thursday, I ran the TC 1 Mile race.  Last year I finished in 7:42 and my goal for this year was to finish in 7:41 or less.  Despite feeling like I was running all-out, I finished at 8:16, more than 30 seconds slower than last year's finish.  It killed me.  Mentally, I think it really broke me.

Saturday's 18 mile run was brutal.  I don't think I felt good until I was done.  I had to make a port-a-potty stop at mile 5.  I had to stop and put band-aids on my feet at mile 6.  I had a little emotional breakdown at mile 12.  I walked entirely too much for all of miles 13-18.  Then again, I finished, so I know I should be happy.  I've mentioned before that I felt like I had a mental block about doing the longer distances.  I could see myself running 15-16 miles, but nothing more than that.  So combine that with my really disappointing 1 Mile time... it was a recipe for disaster.

So where do I go from here?  I'm not sure how it'll go.  But maybe it's a good lesson for me to remember as the marathon gets closer.  I'm going to go through a myriad of emotions during the marathon.  At some moments I'll feel absolutely wonderful and at some moments I'll feel like I can't move another inch forward.  I have to remember that every moment of the marathon will bring something new.

A friend posted this video today (after recently finishing her first marathon!) and it was a good reminder (and also slightly entertaining!) to help me keep in mind that things will not always be pretty, but I can get to the finish line nonetheless.

A little pep talk

My two children are obviously very different.  Katherine is social, Oliver is shy.  Katherine loves to be out, Oliver likes to be at home.  Katherine is a leader, Oliver is a follower.

So it's not surprising that the two of them respond completely differently in conversation about the same thing.  Specifically I'm talking about running.

I've mentioned before about how Oliver is not very encouraging when I'm looking for a little motivation.  When I say, "Ugh, I really don't want to go run right now."  Oliver responds with, "Then just don't run."

We are supposed to run 18 miles this weekend.  I was just talking to Gary and saying that maybe we should cancel the babysitter for this afternoon and switch our run to tomorrow afternoon instead when the weather will be a bit less dreary.  And after he shot me down, I had a little emotional breakdown and came inside the house.

I called Katherine over to me for a hug and I said, "I don't think I can run a marathon, Katherine."

What did she respond with?  She didn't take on her brother's attitude and say, "It's ok Mom, you don't have to."

She said, "Of course you can do it, Mom!"

Yes, both of my children have their own unique personalities and quirks.  And today, I'm thankful for Katherine's spirit that believes in me even when I don't believe in myself.

Is it supposed to feel like this?

I have never trained for a marathon before, so I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal.  But I do know this:  I feel tired.  Not just like I feel like I don't get enough sleep.  I'm physically tired.  Epecially when I run.  I just finished the longest 4 mile run of my life.  I seriously felt like it was never going to end.  I just shouldn't be that hard.  Four miles should be easy peasy compared to 15 miles, right?  And last Saturday when I did my 12, that first 5 miles felt never ending and my I needed to actually push myself to just get my legs moving.  I can see why that might be necessary after running a while, but it shouldn't be that hard to go out and run the first few miles.  My whole body feels like it's working so hard to keep going and I don't love feeling like I'm going to fall over and die.


I went to the doctor a few weeks ago to get some blood work done in the hopes that I'd find out that I had low iron level or vitamin D or hemoglobin or something that would explain why I'm feeling so tired.  Everything turned out just fine though, so I can't blame my physical condition on sub-par blood work.  I think the doctor thought I was crazy when I was complaining about feeling tired while running 10 miles.  (Duh, you're running 10 miles, of course you're tired!)  The doctor did give me a prescription for an inhaler because she said maybe I have exercise induced bronchospasms based on me saying that sometimes I just feel like I can't take a deep breath after running for a long time. Still haven't picked up that prescription... I just don't think that's the issue at all.

So what is it?  Am I hitting the proverbial wall?  Am I just being a wuss?  How do I fix it?  What if I don't fix it in time for the marathon?  Questions, questions... 

Get in Gear Recap

The weather forecast said that it would be rainy with winds of 15-25 mph and possible thunderstorms.  As we were driving to drop off the kids and the rain starting pelting the car windshield, I didn't have high expectations for the run.  However after running four previous Get in Gear races, we knew that the weather would probably be bad.  There's only been one year when we had good weather.  The worst year was when we had little ice pellets hitting us in the face as we tried to run straight into the wind.  So a little rain was probably better than that scenario, right?

We had 16 miles to run, so we had to not only run the 13.1 miles for the race, but we also had to throw in almost 3 miles on our own.  Good times!  We decided to run from the parking lot and skip the shuttle bus ride, so we were able to get in about half of our extra miles.  (Judging by the line for the buses, we made a good decision!)

14.6 miles to go...

The race started right at 9am and we started slowly running with the huge mass of people.  It wasn't raining much, just drizzling a bit.  Thank goodness for my snazzy hat!  I brought my ipod with me to measure my distance but thanks to the stellar capabilities of the Nike+, my readings were inaccurate.  I was wearing my new shoes and I thought I had calibrated the sensor, but clearly I did not do a very good job.  Anyway...

Where was I?  Oh yes, running in the rain.

We saw some interesting things along our way.  We both loved running behind the two people who were wearing shirts that said "Dad" and "Daughter".  (Gary decided that he'd like to have shirts like that for Katherine and him, although when he asked Katherine about it she said, "No way, Dad!"  Oh well.)  There was a woman who showed up quite a few times on the course and she had a sign that said, "You're the best you!"  Loved that sign. 

After we hit the mile 8 water stop, Gary stopped to stretch and I decided to pull out my headphones and start listening to my ipod instead of just carrying the good for nothing thing in my hand.  "Rhythm of Love", "Rolling in the Deep", and "Gone Daddy Gone" turned out to be excellent songs to run to.  It was a good distraction because by the time we got to mile 10, the raindrops were falling hard and the run was getting pretty miserable.

5 miles to go...

As we were headed towards the finish line of the race, I knew that I had the dreaded Ford Parkway Bridge looming ahead.  That bridge has been my nemesis every year we've run the Get in Gear.  There was one year when it was so windy that I could barely move.  I was making running motions, but was hardly going anywhere.  It would probably be easier to run across the bridge if there wasn't a hill right before running across that bridge.  We trudged up the hill and up the bridge.

2.4 miles to go...

As we started across the bridge, I realized that there was only a cross wind.  How fantastic!  I put my head down and concentrated on moving across the bridge.  Once I got across the bridge, it was just a half mile until the finish.  Down a hill, and up a hill... and we were done!  I got my medal, grabbed a bottle of water, and motioned to Gary that he should keep going.

1.4 miles to go...

I was ready to quit when my iPod said 16 miles, but we still had .75 miles left according to Gary's GPS.  (The one that I bought for him... how silly of me!)  So we kept running around in circles at Minnehaha Park.  Down by the falls, up a trail, circling around the pavilion where the snacks were.  I was soaked.  My feet were squishing in my shoes.  My legs were hardly able to move.  My shoelaces were both untied.  But FINALLY, I hobbled across the grass and made my way to the snack pavilion and Gary said, "16 miles!"

Thank goodness for the little cartons of chocolate milk (my new favorite post-run recovery drink) and boxes of Pearson's Salted Nut Rolls.

I'm also extremely thankful for my parents.  Without them, Gary and I wouldn't have been able to run together on Saturday.  Not only are they willing to let us drop the kids off at 7am on a Saturday morning, but they make pancakes and french toast, and take them to soccer games.  A few weeks ago, my mom told me that she was proud of me.  It meant a lot to hear her say that.  I'm so grateful to have supportive family members who are willing to help me try and achieve my goals.

So anyway... 5th annual Get in Gear... CHECK!

Oh, and did I mention that I ran 123.76 miles last month?  WOWZERS!

The Annual Rite of Spring

Now, those of you who live up in my neck of the woods are probably feeling like spring has missed us this year.  We've had a few really nice days.  A few.  But most of the days around here since March 20th (you know, the first official day of spring) have not been very spring-like.  Well, on Saturday, my favorite race will be taking place and it's billed as the "annual rite of spring" so I'm hoping that maybe after this race takes place, spring will find its way to us.  Is that too much to ask?


Many of you have probably heard me talking about this race before.  It's the first race I ever ran.  It's the race that I showed up to but I had never actually run the race distance before and I thought I could never, ever do it.  It's the race where I said to Gary, "I will never run anything longer than a 5K.  THIS is my marathon."

(This is clearly a sign that you can never trust anything I say.)

So I will run this Get in Gear half marathon with pride and a bit of emotion because it holds a special place in my heart.  And I will make sure to save up some energy for the end when I have to run across that Ford Parkway Bridge because that darn thing KILLS me every year!

Hopefully they'll have another one of these at the finish line.  Oliver was lucky enough to get the very first piece cut off this bar today when we were there for packet pick-up!

Next up: 15 miles!

Ok people... I need your help.  My playlist on my iPod has enough music to get me through 6 miles.  I have 15 miles coming up on Saturday morning.  I think it'll be the last long run that I do on my own without Gary, so that's good news.  But for right now, I just keep thinking about how it's 15 miles on my own. 

What?!  15 miles?  Insane!  I've never run that far before!

Exactly, it's a long run and it's going to be difficult for me, both physically and mentally.  So I need some good, motivating music suggestions.

Also, if anyone wants to come and run a few miles with me, speak up.  Don't everyone respond at once! :)

Spirit of the Marathon

I haven't felt well for the last few days and it's been windy and cold, so I decided to wuss it up again and run my miles on the treadmill again today.  I worked a day shift at the hospital so I came home, changed into my running clothes, explained (aka made excuses) to Gary why I couldn't run outside, and then I headed to the basement.

We finally have a tv down there, but since we don't have cable hooked up to it, my options are to either watch something boring on tv or to find something to watch on demand on Netflix.  Honestly, there seem to be not too many options on Netflix.  I thought about watching Hot Tub Time Machine but I figured since I have the volume up super high and the kids were home, that might not be a good idea.  I've stayed away from some of the many documentaries that we have in the queue because I thought they wouldn't hold my attention, but decided to give one of them a try this afternoon for my 10 miles.

Spirit of the Marathon seemed like the perfect choice.  Why not watch a movie about running while I was running?

It turned out to be awesome!  Although, I do have some added fears about running the marathon that I didn't have before, so maybe it wasn't totally awesome.  It was inspiring and I think that anyone who is a runner, no matter how fast or slow, would find some benefit from watching the movie.  It follows 6 different people (2 elite runners, 4 ordinary people) as they train for the Chicago Marathon.

After watching the movie I can say this.  I am still afraid to run a marathon.

People die running marathons.  People aren't always able to finish the marathon.  People hit the wall and have legs of lead while running a marathon.  And again, people DIE running marathons.


BUT...

People cry really hard when they finish because they are so proud of themselves.  (I know I will!)
People push themselves and overcome adversities when they didn't think they were able.

People finish marathons and are stronger than when they started.

So my 10 mile run today wasn't perfect, or incredibly fast, or even outside... Those things don't matter and I don't need to worry about it.  I am stronger at this very instant than I was before I started running this afternoon.  And as long as I keep pushing myself and learning more about myself as I train, I will come out ahead.

Just as long as I don't die trying.  :)

Halfway Point

Well, here I am, halfway through training.  I'm halfway done with week 9 of 18 training weeks.  At this point, I'm getting better at visualizing myself actually running a marathon, but I still get the heebie jeebies a bit.  Let me check.  Yup, still 26.2 miles that I'll have to cover on that day.  That's far.  Very far.

So it's been a while since I wrote anything, what's going on with me?

Next week's training puts me in a whole new place.  The long Saturday run is supposed to be 15 miles.  Well folks, I have never run that far before.  Although let's be honest, I'm not running the whole time.  I'm sure there will be at least 4 water breaks in there.  But I'm learning that while I want to stop running during those long runs, I really hate how much time I lose when I slow down and take a break.  It's putting a definite crimp in my final time!  I don't run fast enough to make up for those walking breaks.

Last weekend, Gary and I were able to do a "preview run" of the half marathon that we'll be running on April 30th.  It was a great way to get our 13 miles in for the day and it was also nice to see where the course goes after the 10Kers break off and head towards the finish line.  (That's as far as I've ever run on this particular course.)  Lesson learned on that course: Head to the port-a-potty line early before the race starts and don't assume that there will be a port-a-potty on the course in case you don't want to wait in that line at the start!  (Although thankfully, one was spotted before I got too incredibly desperate.)

Things I need to work on in the 2nd half of my training:

Run OUTSIDE.  Don't be a wuss because it's a little windy or a little rainy or a little too cold or because I don't have anyone to run with.

Run FASTER.  It's training, not a cake walk.  I really need to learn to push myself a bit.

Sleep MORE.  Self explanitory thing.  I don't sleep enough.  But when I'm trying to push my body to do things that I don't normally do, sleep is pretty important.

Eat SMART.  Probably another self explanitory thing.  Don't eat junk.

Ups and Downs

So the last day of March... 

March has been an interesting month.  I was sick and didn't run for a week when I was moping around feeling sorry for myself.  It took me a few days to get my head into the game.  I think sometimes it's good to take a little time off.

I turned 34 yesterday.  (Woo hoo.)  I ran outside without the benefit of anyone running with me to keep me going.  I had a great run!  I didn't believe the pace that my Nike+ came up with (9:16/mi for 6 miles) but after mapping it out, I realized that it was indeed correct!  That was a great birthday gift for me.

After I run this evening, I will have had my 2nd best running month EVER.  It's second only to the month that was right before our 1st half marathon last May.  I ran over 100 miles that month, wow!  I'll pretty sure I'll get close to that mark next month, and I will for sure pass that mark in May and June.  However for now, I'm basking in the happiness of knowing that even with my mid-month meltdown, I still made it to the end of the month and I was awesome!  (If I do say so myself...)

So here's to April.  I'm crossing my fingers that I'll stay injury free, that I'll keep my mental mindset that I'm in now, and that I will feel as good at the end of next month as I feel at the end of this month.

Definitely TMI...

Ok, honestly this is something that I didn't think I'd ever actually discuss with the general public.  But the topic comes up from time to time when I'm talking about running with other people, so I thought I might as well address it.  Well, kind of.  There will be no sharing of my own personal stories.  However, I received this article in my e-mail a few weeks ago and found it highly educational/entertaining (you know, in a very strange sort of way...)

So for those of you who have been wondering, here's everything you've ever wanted to know about Runner's Trots. :)

I Hit a Wall

It all started last Saturday when I wasn't feeling very well and we had a lot of things to get done in a short amount of time.  I only ran 6 of the 9 miles that I was supposed to run.  Then we went on vacation for a few days.  I brought my running stuff with me, but I didn't run because we were in a different place and the "perfect" run that I had envisioned didn't ever work out.

Since then, I feel like I've hit a wall.  I'm not enjoying the set schedule for running.  I look at the schedule and see 18 weeks of runs all put down on paper and it is daunting.  I feel like there are so many things going on and these forced training runs are negatively affecting my psyche. 

On the other hand, I generally really like having a list of tasks that I need to accomplish.  It makes it easy to see where I've been and where I need to be.  Usually, a list is a very helpful tool to keep me on track.

I'm not sure what I need to give me the kick to get moving again.  Time?  Do I just need enough time to go by that I feel guilty for not running and then I start?  Weight?  Do I just gain a few pounds and realize that I can't not run because I absolutely have to run in order to keep my weight in check?  Depression?  Do I get so depressed by not doing physical exercise and getting those natural hormones flowing that I eventually just give in and force myself to run because I just know that I'll feel better (and everyone around me will be happier) after I run? 

I don't know.  But I'll tell you this.  The whole "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" thing is really difficult to do.  Easy to say.  Tough to actually do.

Important Announcement

I interrupt this running blog to make an important announcement...

Happy 7th Birthday to my beautiful, goofy, loveable daughter Katherine!

Thank you for being an inspiration to keep me running.  Your chants of "Go, Mommy, Go!" run through my head whenever I need to push myself to keep going.  You are my best cheerleader and co-cowbell ringer.  I love you!

Who'd Have Thought?

I've always maintained that I don't really like running that much.  I do it because I feel like I have to do something.  And I've made it this far, I figure I should just continue.  I can't give up now.  But having said that, it's not something that I really enjoy all that much.

It's official.  There is something that I guess I dislike more than running.

Work.

I could have stayed at work for an extra 4 hours tonight and spent time with some great co-workers.  But instead, I chose to come home and run 4 miles at 9pm on the treadmill in my cold, dark basement.

Now maybe that doesn't seem all that strange to you.  But it's a bit of a realization for me.  Although, I suppose, there are two ways to look at it.  Either I just don't hate running as much as I think I do, or I really don't love my job. 

Since I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on life, I'll just tell myself that running has moved up from the bottom of my "favorite activities" list.  Here's to another 3 tomorrow!

Giving Up Control

Instead of focusing on all the things I can't control, I am enjoying the moments in front of me. The marathon is going to be an amazing journey and I get the chance to write the ending. 
--Shalene Flanagan, 2nd woman finisher at the 2010 NYC Marathon

I skipped a training run yesterday.

I was gone at a conference all day long.  Then I went for a quick dinner with the family.  Then I took Katherine to swimming lessons.  Then I went to band practice.  I got home just before 10pm but decided to not do my 4 mile training for the day.

I was feeling a bit guilty about it, but I've just been so tired lately that I couldn't do it.  I did 4 miles instead of the prescribed 3 miles for today to make up for it.  But I realized that I need to just learn to let some things go.  There might be days when I can't get my run in.  It doesn't mean that I've fallen off the wagon and my whole goal of running a marathon is over.  It just means that I didn't do a day of running.  

In case you don't know, I really, really like to be in control.  I like to know what's going on.  I like to make plans and stick with them.  I do not easily go with the flow.  (If I do go with the flow but don't really agree with it, it's only because I'm too shy to speak up and make a suggestion about changing the flow.  HA!)  

So when my marathon training guide says, "Run 4 miles on Wednesday, March 2nd," that's what I intend on doing.  I stick with the plan.

*sigh*

But sometimes other things in life get in the way. I cannot control everything, but I can control with I do with the things that get in the way.  My story is written however I let it be written.  So if it takes training for a marathon to help me learn that, well then, I guess it's time well spent. 

Having Doubts

So I follow a Facebook page that's written by the authors of a book called Run Like A Mother. It's filled with real-life experiences of a bunch of women and most days it's quite inspiring.  One day last week there was a post from someone wondering what she should yell out to her friend as she cheered her on at her first marathon.  People responded with some great ideas of things to say like, "Your Feet Hurt Because You're Kicking So Much Butt!" and some reminders about what is strictly forbidden like, "You're almost there!" when you're not even close to the finish.  Anyway, one of them struck me as something that I need to remember right now.

"There will be days you don't think you can run a marathon. There will be a lifetime of knowing you have."

That first line... that's me.  At this point in my training, there is no way that I am able to envision myself actually finishing a 26.2 mile run.  It just doesn't seem possible.  26.2 miles is a really long distance.  (In case you didn't already know that, now you do.)  I've run 13.1 miles before.  So I can see that.  I can see myself at about 15 miles.  But anything past that, nope, not happening.   


As the weeks go by, I'm really, really hoping that the mental block on I have on achieving that 26.2 miles will just fade away.  Because I know that running is not just a physical thing.  There is a whole lot of mental stuff involved in it.  I need to mentally get myself through that 26.2 miles.  Maybe I need to make one of those nerdy storyboards or something and photoshop me into Grandma's Marathon finishing shots.  Hmmm... maybe not a bad idea.  I'll think about it.  (I'm guessing that "thinking about it" is as far as that one will go.)


But hey, the good news is, I never had any doubts that I could get through my 3 mile run this morning.  I guess I have to start somewhere, right?

Wishful Thinking

I won't lie.

I have a secondary goal that goes along with this marathon training.  My primary goal is to not die while finishing Grandma's Marathon.  But I'm really, really hoping that during the 18 (!!) weeks of training, I'll be able to drop a few pounds as well.

Sad to admit, but since I have finished (well, the downfall started before the actual finish of the research study) the Jenny Craig study, I've gained a little weight back.  It's not a huge amount, but it's not an amount that I want to keep with me forever.  (You can read more about the Jenny Craig Research Study here: FAB Study)  I know that losing weight is more about what you eat than what activity you do, but I'm hoping to re-connect that mind/body thing.  I want to see that I'm exercising and then know that I want to eat foods that are good for my body.  So... here's to my 18 weeks of eating well.

As far as how that 18 weeks of training is going?  Well, yesterday was the first "official" run of training.  And guess what?  I didn't do it.  I know, I know... I feel very guilty.  But I'm counting my run on Sunday as my 3 miles for yesterday.  Does that work?  Anyway, I'm off to a good start today and have finished today's run already. 

If anyone is interested in running with me ever, just let me know.  I'm always open to running with friends.  Or strangers.  Or anyone, really.  As long as they don't make me go too fast.  Too slow is just fine with me.  Or I'll also take volunteers who will drag me to an exercise class on one of my cross training days.  Whatever.  I need all the help I can get.

Just don't try to get me to eat any chocolate malts, european truffle pie, perkins pancakes, or chips and salsa.  Because those things are all bad.  Very, very bad.  And I'm only eating good food.

Well, that part might be a lie...

Wet Feet and Valentine Time

We were given a special treat today.  The sun came out and the temperature was in the upper 40s!  But you probably already know that.  It was a beautiful day!  The first warm days of winter are always great, but they're especially great for those of us who are runners.  I can't begin to explain how much extra motivation I need to get out and run when it's cold outside.  So today was a gift!  Adding to the gift was that my sister came by and I roped her into staying for a half hour so Gary and I could go out for a run together.  AWESOME!  (I work tomorrow evening so our 3 mile run also doubled as our valentine date.)

I started out in capris, but then chickened out and put my full length tights on before we left.  (Glad I did!)  The wind was out and it was a bit chilly.  We planned on just going around the lake in our development, it's about 3 miles.  Seemed pretty easy. 

And once we started running, I remembered that I haven't been running a ton lately and that my "treadmill legs" aren't the same as my "outside legs"... it was rough!  And then we got to the parts of the path when the snow plow decided to just stop clearing the snow.  There were some sections where we were just running right through snow piles.  I also really loved running through the slushy puddles.  Nothing feels better than super cold and wet feet!  (I'm joking!) 

But as Gary said while were were trudging through one of the unplowed areas, "I'll take this anyday over a treadmill run."  I agree, Gary, I agree.  Thanks for running with me today.  Every run is nicer with a friend!

One Dreadmill Benefit

Yes folks, I have come up with one reason why running on the dreadmill in my boring, cold, dark basement is better than running outside or on a treadmill at the Y.  It's taken me a while, but after running at the Y yesterday, I figured it out.

When you run at home, you can pause your run and go to the bathroom.

It's great!

And as any runner knows, sometimes you really need to go to the bathroom in the middle of a run.  I'll leave it at that.

So that, my friends, is the one single reason why I will continue to run on the dreadmill in my basement until the temperature outside is at least 20 degrees and the windchill is not below zero.

Now if we could just get that basement bathroom finished so I didn't have to run upstairs...

This Is Why I Run

Runners are a special group of people.  Some people call us strange.  Crazy.  Selfish.  And there are times that I agree with all of those descriptions.  It's strange to run for fun. (It's hard work!  Why is that fun?)  It's crazy to be outside running when it's freezing cold outside.  (My hair freezes and I have frost in my eyebrows.)  It's selfish to think that I should be allowed lots of time away from my family when I'm training for a big race.  (How long do you think it's going to take me to run 20 miles when I'm training?  It's a LONG time.)

It's not all for me.  Yes, I get health benefits from running.  I'm in a better mood.  I exercise my joints and muscles.  I burn calories.  But I know that my running is benefitting more than just me.

I know (because you've told me) that I have inspired others to get more active.  I love that I can help motivate someone else.

I also know that I'm having a huge, positive impact on my kids.  How do I know?  I saw them this morning and I was so proud.  My heart was smiling as they were running.  And my eyes were teary.  (Never a big surprise.)  I know that I'm showing them a good example by getting out and moving. 

Yes, runners are a strange breed.  We take up a lot of time while trying to run faster and longer.  But I can't help but think about the long term impact that it has on people around me and it inspires me to keep working and keep running.

Because I love them.

Music or Podcast??

Yay me for getting up at 6am to run this morning!

It's pathetic, but I feel like I need to congratulate myself for dragging myself down to the treadmill this morning.  It's cold down there.  And boring.  I don't have anything good to listen to.  And it's a lot earlier than I like to get out of bed.  So yeah, good job, Deby!

So the big question of the day is, do I start to incorporate a podcast into my routine?  I'm getting bored with the same music over and over again.  I can only "Get Jiggy Wit It" so many times before I start to get bored.  I haven't updated my playlist for quite some time, but I just can't find many songs that I think I'd like to run to.  So I started thinking about podcasts.  I listen to talk radio when I'm in the car, I hardly ever listen to music.  So maybe I just need to find a good podcast to download and listen to.

Any suggestions?

Where did Deby go?

Ack!  No new posts for over a week.  Where did I disappear to??  Who knows.  I told myself that I was only going to write about running on this blog and I seem to have taken a little running vacation over the last week or so.  Therefore, no posts!  But today I forced myself back on the treadmill.  It was a very short run at the Y before I went to BodyFlow class, but hey, at least I ran.  The motivation has been seriously lacking so I haven't been running.

As we were gearing up (and trying to motivate myself to get there early so I could run before class) to leave for the Y, I said to Oliver, "Ugh, I really don't want to run, but I know I should."  Oliver will be no help to me in this training if he continues this attitude.  He said, "It's ok, Mom.  You don't have to run."  But I forged on ahead and pushed us out the door, hoping I could salvage a little time before my 10:40 class. 

I normally go to BodyFlow only on Tuesdays because I love the teacher.  But I've been busy for the last few weeks so I've skipped it.  So glad that I went today!  (I don't think my abs are thanking me, though.)  It's a nice way to relax and work my muscles in a way that don't get worked when I run.  I know that I definitely need to keep it in my regimen as I do this whole marathon training stuff. 

So anyway, this hodge podge of a blog post is my attempt to get myself back on track.  We'll see how long it lasts.  I'm counting down the days.  Only 13 days left until the real training begins.  What fun!